A site dedicated to the idea that victims of sexual abuse need no longer to live with the guilt and the shame. Editorials,narratives,and links to resources,support for those with addictions,plus Religious&Spiritual guidance.

Friday, December 09, 2005


and as such the front page remains constant,please look to the "previous"posts for new additions and resources

I have created this site with one thing in mind,to educate.For victims of sexual abuse,I wish to teach you that the shame and guilt you may feel is just another form of abuse and that THE ABUSE ENDS NOW! For those with drug addictions I wish to teach you that it is possible to live life without masking what ever pain it is you feel without drugs and destructive behavior,that you belong,you are important,you are not alone and you are not unloved.For those of you that do not have these inflictions weighing you down,I wish to teach you how you can help those that do,for you all know of someone who falls under either the adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse category or the category of those that suffer from drug addictions,of which includes alcoholism.

The Gospel Of Jesus Christ No.1 Resource! (author's humble opinion,no offense meant,all beliefs are welcome)

Victims of sexual abuse especially when it occurred as a child,often are left feeling shame and guilt,which in of themselves are another form of abuse.The pedophile is still molesting us until the day we end the abuse by coming to terms with our feelings and quit being victims and start being survivors.
Easy to do?NO.Can it be done? YES! I am the living proof that no case is hopeless.I carried my shame and guilt for over thirty four years.The links to my stories are below,way below,and also to the right hand side,because first are links that are of greater importance to guide you on your healing.May I suggest that you right click on them so they open in a new window,as you will want to return here for the next one.Please,if you know of a group or organization that you feel would be of benefit to victims and addicts,please let me know.
Faiths and Creeds to draw strength from
The Gospel Of Jesus Christ
Teachings of Islam
Buddhist Beliefs Explained

Native American Spirituality

Web-sites of Hope

1) Joshua Childrens Foundation-Created for purpose of assisting victims of sexual child abuse
2) Child Abuse Effects- child abuse effects information
3) Stop Child Abuse -site is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse
4) Stop It Now!- The Campaign to Prevent Child Abuse
5) Amnesty International-working to protect human rights world wide
5b)Kids Need helping catch on-line pedophiles-volunteers needed!
7) Family Watchdog-tracking and locating sex offenders inYOUR neighbourhood
8) Help Kids stay Active and you'll help them avoid drugs.KNOW WHAT YOUR KIDS ARE DOING!
9) Sexual Abuse Survivors and Sex article about becoming more comfortable with sex after being abused
10) Survivors Swindon Supporting Adult Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Since 1991
11)STOP RUNNING- Running away,?pregnant,?trouble with the law? scared, and alone?
12) Addiction Intervention Resources-the name says it all
14) CASA- court appointed special advocates-be a volunteer!

3) TEARS IN THE RAIN also a resource site.
4) 40 DAYS Continuing saga of a brave Mother's love for her abused child as they go through the legal system seeking justice-resources as well

ADDICTIONS INFORMATION(always looking for more info)
Information on Heroin Addiction - Narconon Southern CaliforniaFind heroin information, and learn about the long-term effects of....
Giordano and Goldfarb Holistic Addiction Treatment CenterRecovering addicts provide a holistic drug-and-alcohol rehabilitation program that specializes....
Ecstasy Abuse Information and TreatmentInformation about ecstasy abuse and treatment.
Center for Behavior and Addiction ManagementGeorgia-based human service agency provides substance abuse solutions on a....
Legal Help If you are in need of legal help fill in....
Religious Organizations(all faiths welcome)


1) International Network of Prison Ministries
2) C.A.S.A. Recovery Ministries
3) Places of Refuge Prison Ministry-Freedom Behind Bars
4) See Who Cares Inspiration and guidance

Twelve Step Programs (please submit any I miss,confidentiality assured)

1) Alcoholics Anonymous
2) Narcotics Anonymous
3) Gamblers Anonymous
4) Overeaters Anonymous

Yahoo Support Groups (feel free to ask me to add yours)

1) Courageous Men must be male 18 years of age or over=EXCELLENT
2) Adult Child Abuse Survivors - A place to talk about surviving child abuse
3) Canadian Abuse Support - A place to talk about abuse of any kind.
4) Saved By Methadone-Don't be fooled by the name!support group for those with addiction issues,all and any-family members and loved ones as well.

My story is of course long and this is not the place for it.It is a continuing story,with many gaps that I hope to fill in the months ahead.I have two sites devoted to the telling of my tales,and a third that concerns it self with the justice system. I invite you to visit them,and leave your comments.

The start of my story,and possible clues for the reasons behind my destructive behaviour,can be found at the site I call THE ROAD DOWN .It contains the darker aspects of my life,and caution should be taken,some of the material is not suitable for all ages and there are definite triggers.(those that need the warning understand what I meant,don't ask!)

The second one I call AND FROM THE ASHES and it is where I tell happy of misery and suffering.While the stories may have their roots in suffering and misery,there is always a twist that makes them a story of hope.They say that for every door that closes God opens a window,a window of opportunity.Never has that saying been better personified as at AND FROM THE ASHES

The third one has articles and essay's pertaining to the Justice system.It is an unique look at the Justice,Correctional and Law Enforcement Departments here and abroad,through the eye of reformed offender.I call that one THE VIEW FROM OUTSIDE

I invite your comments and welcome your input,but please leave your promotions behind.I will promote only two things,God and myself,myself as that is my way of serving Him,providing hope and inspiring courage is my goal.I would love to hear your survivors story and will publish all that fit my criteria of being a genuine story and not pornographic in it's descriptions.I welcome all faiths,races and even sexual orientation.I am Christian and feel that my point is valid,however I respect and admire all others,and will never judge you.PARENTS!LOVE YOUR CHILDREN UNCONDINTIONALLY LET THEM KNOW THEY CAN COME TO YOU

Thursday, December 08, 2005


The information below should be a wake up to every parent out there.While the figures are a few years old,more recent ones are just as bad,if not worse.PROTECT YOUR KIDS! HUGS REALLY ARE BETTER THEN DRUGS! Legal Help If you are in need of legal help

Drug Statistics ("borrowed" from Help Your
According to the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 11.2% of 12-17 year-olds reported current use of illicit drugs in 2003.

Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Results from the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: National Findings, September 2004

Approximately 30.5% of youths reported using an illicit drug at least once during their lifetime and 21.8% reported using an illicit drug within the past year.

Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Results from the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: National Findings, September 2004

According to the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, youths who participated in activities during the past year were less likely to have used drugs in the past month than youths who did not participate in activities.

Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Results from the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: National Findings, September 2004

Among youths aged 12 to 17 who participated in two or more youth activities (for example, band, sports, student government, or dance lessons), 10.4% had used an illicit drug in the past month. Among youths indicating one or no youth activities in the past year, 17.9% reported past month illicit drug use.

Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Results from the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: National Findings, September 2004

Substance abuse among youth has also been strongly linked to delinquency. Arrest, adjudication, and intervention by the juvenile justice system are eventual consequences for many youth engaged in alcohol and other drug use.

Source: Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Drug Identification and Testing in the Juvenile Justice System, May 1998

Youth’s immature physical and psychological development makes them more susceptible than adults to the harmful effects of drug abuse.

Source: ONDCP Drug Policy Information Clearinghouse Fact Sheet

Results from the 2000 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse indicate that increased rates of past month use of cigarettes, alcohol, or any illicit drug had a deleterious effect on students’ grades.

Source: National Household Survey on Drug Abuse, August 2001

Results from the 2000 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse indicate that youth who reported alcohol or illicit drug use during the past year were more likely to be at risk for suicide than those who did not use the substances.

Source: National Household Survey on Drug Abuse, August 2001

It is clear that drugs are a problem,please parents,make your children aware,at a much younger age then you may normally think.I started smoking when I was eight years old,was committing my first crime at nine years of age-stealing cigaretts from cars parked on the street(small town in the sixties,NOBODY ever locked their doors).
You may smile at this,but nicotine is a drug as much as herion and even harder to give up(though less physicaslly addcitive)and drugs lead to crime.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

PLACE of HONOUR your tales and letters

This is page devote to -you,the adult survivor of childhood abuse.
I will publish your letters and stories here.This first was left anonymously as a comment,(forgive me,but the literary snob inside of me made me correct some spelling and paragraph placement as been implemented to ease reading)but I feel it deserves a


Posted anonymously:

As I read your blog I was reading it because I'm involved with someone, who was abused as a child and has his share of addictions, and your blog made me curious to see the correlation between the two(addiction and sexual abuse) as I read the information actually realized it relates to me to, I am a survivor of childhood abuse, I did not become and alcoholic or drug addict, but I can relate to the weight issues.

I realized years ago that I had purposely over the years as a teen gained weight as not to attract attention, I did not like males looking at me, whistling at me or anything due to being molested as a child I felt any kind of male attention was horrible and did not like it at all.

So I hid behind myself, as I got older I thought I was always wrong for having feeling for someone in a sexual way because of what has happen in the past. Its hard to let anyone get close to you, really close when your a child of abuse. You either think its wrong, or you don't deserve it. At least thats how I have felt for years.

The relationships I have gotten into, in the past have been hard for me and my partners sexually and in every way. This may sound weird to some but others I'm sure will understand completely. When you are abused as a child you feel, that intimacy is bad, wrong, that you shouldn't feel the way do, because it feels wrong, or you think your a bad person.

I believe that me not being able to be myself, and not able to truly let anyone get close to me has made relationships fail, my self esteem low, and this is all because of what has happen to me as a child. I was abused from age 6 to 12, I am now 37, and am currently in therapy.

I Believe God puts people in our paths for reason and I truly think He put my current boyfriend in my path for a reason. since we've been together on and off for the last two years due to his addiction and me putting up my walls, I have finally gone to therapy for my abuse which I had thought I had dealt with years ago.

Me and my boyfriend have a lot in common, with being abused, and if its God's plan will make it work for us. If not I believe he put us together for a purpose and maybe thats just to learn to be able to put our past to rest and deal with our addictions, whether it be drugs, alcohol or eating disorders or mental disorders of depression which I've had my bouts in.

I'm glad you've finally come to a point in your life where you can heal and move on. Best of luck, and God bless.

Author Unknown

Pepsi's Story:

I was raised in what I suppose was a normal home. My father worked in his own business and my mother raised 2 kids and took care of the home. Being the baby and only girl of 9 children total I never was really sure what was right or wrong when it came to touching. It was almost unheard of at that time to be sexually touched or abused. So when I was 9 yrs old and began developing into a lady I never though much of my cousins touch when we were playing or wrestling around. I was always one of the boys when my cousin April wasn’t around to play with.

I recall the first wrong touch when I was about 10. We had gone to visit my grandparents and my cousin April and I were sleeping in the living room and my brother and the male cousins were out back camping out. My cousin came in where I was asleep and started feeling on my chest, from there he went lower and under my pants and underwear as well. I made him stop, knowing it didn’t feel right to me, but never knowing it was so wrong. I got up and went to the room where my parents were sleeping and slept on the floor a while. My dad woke up and fussed at me for being in the bedroom and not in the living room with my cousin. Knowing how my dad was I didn’t dare tell that one of the boys touched me there.
Later on in my life I guess around age 12, my brother that I was raised with started to fondle my chest and it went from there. I began dating a guy at age 15 and he allowed my brother to do pretty much what he wanted to, to my body. Again I was never told what was “bad touching” or that this was wrong. I never told on my brother because if I had my dad would have probably killed him or came close to it. By the time I was being abused by both of these people, my dad had passed away and my mom was living the wild life of a teenager every weekend.

I became pregnant at age 15 from all this abuse and was terrified, knowing both my boyfriend and my brother had been intimate with me. I never told my mother or anyone at school I was pregnant. I made it to 5 months pregnancy and went in to early labor. I had told my doctor earlier that when the child was born I wanted to know who the father was. My child was a little girl that lived 30 minutes after birth because I couldn’t bear to have her put on life support, knowing she could be the result of incest. I later learned she was my boyfriend’s child and still have regrets for not putting her on life support.
I know there are so many people in the world that are abused daily by family, friends, and strangers. I just hope reading my story can give others the courage to move on with life and to tell someone. Don’t be afraid like I was. If it feels wrong it probably is. Tell anyone you can trust.

If you have an experience that you wish to share,please either leave a comment or send your tale of survival to

Childhood sexual abuse need not control your future,there is help and support.Tell others,do not let it swell and fester inside you.
Alcoholism and Drug Addiction,or gambling addiction,eating disorders are all treatable diseases.

I use the term disease only because that is the current train of thought amongst most,but not all,treatment philosophy's.
I feel that if it is a disease,then sexual or other abuse may lower our bodies natural immune system,and that is why you will find such a high percentage of addicts were also abuse victims when they where in their childhoods.
Like most theories there are alternative points of view,and I have actually read that there is no statistical evidence to back up the claim that childhood abuse leads to addiction.I say,poll groups.In fact I shall take it upon myself to conduct a poll.

I accidentally deleted the code and lost the poll that ran,but the numbers where very clear.Over 66% of abuse victims who answered(approx 70 people responded,thank you) have addictions,with about an equall number veing actively addictive and half being in recovery.
There will be those who will say that only addicts answered the poll,and that the actually numbers are much less,but I disagree,this was a completly anonymous polling,there was no reason for it not to be accurate within the normal parameters.It also bears up to my personal knowledge.
The reasons may be disputed,but the reality is,abused children are much more likely to grow up to be adult addicts then those who did not suffer abuse.



RESOURCES at THE ZERO : The Official Website of Andrew Vachss