A site dedicated to the idea that victims of sexual abuse need no longer to live with the guilt and the shame. Editorials,narratives,and links to resources,support for those with addictions,plus Religious&Spiritual guidance.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Correlation Between Sexual Abuse and Addictions

WELCOME! YOU ARE SAFE HERE! This is a Web-page with a Purpose!

If you are an Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse,or a Parent of an abused Child,or one with addictions issues or just a curious student of life,then this is for you.

Hello,my name is Doug,and I am an Alcoholic and Drug Addict.I am also an Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse.
This is a place where not only you can get information,but where you can get help,support,understanding and even Prayer.I "died"of a Drug Overdose,and God came into my life and as set a task for me.This is one part of that task.
I will post your story,getting it out is a wonderful step in the healing process.
I waited thirty-seven years to tell my story,I kept it a dark secret,no one knew.I am only now in the process of hopefully having my transgressor,the Pedophile who raped and abused me for two years brought to justice.
I will of course keep you posted,but right now you need to look to the links section on the right side,you will find important resources as well as testimony.

I have always been under the impression that my addictions was just a result of my own stupidity.I still maintain that we are ultimately responsible for our own actions,however I have discovered so much research lately pointing to a connection between the fact I was sexually abused as a young teenager and the fact that I became an addict at the same time.It would seem that victims off sexual child abuse are much more likely*to develop "coping mechanisms"to survive the memories of the abuse.

The list of disorders reads like a who's who of compulsive behavior,there is of course the normal alcoholism and drug addictions,of which I am a poster boy for,but also eating disorders such as Compulsive Eating Disorder,anorexisa,Bulimia,Bulimia Nervosa Eating Disorder(heh,I didn't make the names,I am just reporting them!),Binge Eating Disorder(guilty)gambling and even suicides.There is one they do not mention,as many do not class it as an disorder,but I am willing to bet next months ad revenues(hopefully someone needs the info provided by the ads)that the vast majority of sexually abused children grow up to be tobacco abusers,good old cigarettes,mmm,mmm,mm,gooooodd! got a light?

Childhood sexual abuse need not control your future,there is help and support.Tell others,do not let it swell and fester inside you.Alcoholism and Drug Addiction,or gambling addiction,eating disorders are all treatable diseases.I use the term disease only because that is the current train of thought amongst most,but not all,treatment philosophy's.I feel that if it is a disease,then sexual or other abuse may lower our bodies natural immune system,and that is why you will find such a high percentage of addicts were also abuse victims when they where in their childhoods.Like most theories there are alternative points of view,and I have actually read that there is no statistical evidence to back up the claim that childhood abuse lead to addiction.This to me flies in the face of my own personal experience.There have been many times that I was in a "shooting circle"(a group all injecting drugs)and tales of abuse would abound.

Funny thing about those times,I never once confessed to my past,not even when others were openly talking about it.I was a superior junkie,I didn't use drugs to cover up feelings,I used drugs for pain,and for fun.Yeah,right!

I am looking for input to this site.I am presently waiting on some submissions to arrive but wanted to start things off.If you have a site that you feel should be listed or linked please let me know.
Please either leave a comment or email

Your site must be of relative interest,either to victims of sexual or other abuse or addictions.I will include all types,drug addictions,alcohol and food addiction,gambling addiction,whatever you have.
Christian content is preferred but not a necessity.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Manna for the Soul - Prayers and Ministrations

Does your Ministry have a website?Or do you belong to a on-line religious group?Perhaps you would like to exchange links?Or just have yours included?

Take strength my friends,you are amongst your brothers & sisters,we are family here,and we don't have rules,except that we respect each other.We may be of different faiths,different backgrounds,even different sexual orientation.There is no judging done here,no "preaching".If you have a credo or code you think would be suitable to go along side the Christian words and scripture,you are welcome to leave it in the comments and I will publish any that are not hateful or aimed at conversions.Buddist,Hindu,Confuciusion or any other are all welcome here.
I am a Christian,and I feel my view is valid,but I would be proud to post yours,as long as it's aim is to help us know that we are no longer victims,we survived,we are going to be alright!Shame and the guilt are just another form of abuse,and the abuse ends now!

Prayers are a reverent petition made to God,an act of communion with God,and as such are often very personal.There are however Prayers that have been written to commemorate special occasions or to honour a particular segment of the population.I need your prayers!Prayers are wanted that have been written with the abused or affected in mind,for addictions are an affection as much as Cancer,and just as deadly,if not worse.Please send me your Prayers/Here are some of my favorites,and I will be posting and or rotating new ones on a regular basis.

Prayers sometimes associated with Twelve steps programs

GoThird Step Prayer God,I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
Seventh Step Prayer
My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good & bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you & my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding.
Eleventh Step Prayer
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace--that where there is hatred, I may bring love--that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness--that where there is discord, I may bring harmony--that where there is error, I may bring truth--that where there is doubt, I may bring faith--that where there is despair, I may bring hope--that where there are shadows, I may bring light--that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted--to understand, than to be understood--to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

Serinity Prayer
GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

St Francis Prayer
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.


PROVERBS and PSALMS(Again I seek your favorites)

Psalms 23 "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters."

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.


Scriptures that have a special place in my heart:(you are welcome to submit yours)

Matthew 25:35-36 -45-"For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me."

Ephesians 5:18-20 "Be not drunk with wine, in which is debauchery;but be filled with the Spirit,speaking to yourselvesin psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,singing and chanting with your heart to the Lord;giving thanks at all times to Him who is God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ"

Brother Gino's Prayer for Addicts

Most loving God,

we ask your blessing upon all

who suffer from addiction.

Strengthen them to reach out for help.

Enable them to take the first step to recovery.

Bless them with the persistence to persevere

in the fight to be free.

Give courage and hope to their families,

drawing them close together

in the power of your love,

which alone can transform our living.


I invite your comments and your submissions.Please email with your prayer,scripture,Psalm or credo and I will publish all acceptable within the confines of alloted space.

Survivor's Bill of Rights &Addicts Credo

All to often victims of sexual abuse go through will go through periods of feelings of inadequacies,often coupled with fear and or guilt.
To many times they will hear phrases like"you are safe now" or "it's all right"
The people that try and give to what they view as victims these affirmations are almost always well meaning.They are our friends,family and love ones,and as such it is often hard for the survivors of sexual abuse to communicate just what it is we really need to hear.I thinlk perhaps it was with that in mind that a group of very knowledgeable people one day got together and drafted the:


Survivor's Bill Of Rights Drafted by the New Directions Rape Survivors Group 1991-1992

1. The right to be safe from real or imagined dangers.

2. The right to be accepted unconditionally by others.

3. The right to autonomy in decision making.

4. The right to own my successes and failures; to change my mind without judgement and of my own accord.

5. The right to personal safety by any means of my own choosing.

6. The right to financial independence regardless of gender.

7. The right to trust, respect, and honesty in interactions with others.

8. The right to say NO without guilt and have that right respected by my friends, family and others.

9. The right to total control of my mind, body and spirit.

10. The right not to have the will of others forced upon me.

11. The right to happiness and peace of mind.

12. The right to ask for what I need when I need it.

13. The right to fulfill my hopes, needs and dreams.

14. The right to be treated as a sound-minded individual and not as a victim.

15. The right to take control of the night; to own and appreciate the darkness, and sleep without fear, anxiety or nightmares.

16. The right to love and be loved by others without fear of being hurt.

17. The right to own my past; feel pride in my accomplishments and use them as a tool to strengthen myself and others.
Every support group and twelve step program seems to have one thing in common,a credo,or if you prefer a "mission statement". A set of promises that we make to each other,and most importantly,to ourselfs.
Here is one of my favorite,and the one I repeat each day.

1) We will attain and maintain sobriety.
2) We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3) We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4) We will comprehend the word"serenity",and we will know peace.
5) No matter how far down the scale we have gone,we will see how our experiences can benefit others.
6) That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7) We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8) Self-seeking will slip away.
9) Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
10)Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
11) We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.
12) We will suddenly realize that a power greater than ourselfs is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Extravagant promises?No,they are being fulfilled all around us,some quicly,some slowly,but they will materialize if we BELIEVE and WORK for them!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Warning signs of Sexual Abuse All Parents Need to Know

There was a time when I wished with all my being that I would have had parents that I felt comfortable talking to.If I had,the abuse I underwent may have ended after days not years.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing,it is also a horrible thing! I know that my behaviour changed tramatically after the abuse started.Why did my parents not see that there was something wrong?I was acting very withdrawn,I remember that and was moody to the point of being rude.If they would have just asked me why instead of shouting at me to "watch my smart mouth"...
I in no way blame my parents.I may have been adopted as nothing more then a farmhand,but I was their farmhand and they would have done anything to protect me,of that I am sure.
Those were different times as well,there is much more public discussion and knowledge being shared then ever before.
The one good result of such scandals as those surrounding the Priesthood,Boyscouts and Coaching Organizations from several sports and other high profile cases of sexual abuse,is the lessening of the stigma asscioated with being an abuse victim.We can hold our heads up proudly an proclaim I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED!and not have the world look at us suspiciosly,at least not to the extent there was at the time of my abuse.
There are important signs that a parent should always be on the watch for.They can be confusing to follow at times,what is a warning sign,and what is (in older children) normal teenage angst?There is no telling your teenager that it's normal!
Thew absolute best thing you can do to protect your children is to be available.No,you do not have to be their "best friend",that form of parenting is a tricky thing to manage,and most who try fail miserably,but that does notr stop you by saying the three words that will make the most difference in your childs life.Three little words,that if I had heard,trhings may have been very much different.The three words are of course "I love You!"
I was eight years old before I ever heard those words spoken,other then on TV,where Father Knows Best and My Three Sons where the idealist world I longed for.When I did hear those words,they where not directed at me,but at other children by their parents.(personal note,last week my Father who is 85,now widowed and in a home,but as sharp as he was 60 years ago,told me he loved me.That was the very first time,and it made up for 49 years.In one second all the hard feelings,all the disappointments and resentments where gone.I love my Father,for the very first time,I really feel it.What a wonderful thing it is.Thank you GOD!)
Lets get to what you came for,I'll tell stories like that at And from the Ashes



Underwear that is torn, stained, or bloody
Difficulty walking or sitting
Redness, pain, bleeding, or bruising in the external genital area, vagina, or anal area
Unusual discharge from the vagina or anus
Frequent, unexplained urinary infections or sore throats
Sexually transmitted infections


Clinical depression and feelings of suicide
Lack of trust
Change in response to adults or older children (although males account for over 90% of abuses, don’t rule out the possibility of female abusers)
New fears or hysteria
Low self-esteem
Depression with physical complaints such as:
Headache, stomachache, or chest pain
Loss of appetite
Behavioral Signs
Sleep problems
Bed-wetting, thumb sucking, or loss of bowel control
Fear of undressing, or wearing extra layers of clothing
Fear of going to the bathroom, refusal to have a bowel movement, or constipation
Difficulty making friends
Getting to school early and staying late, to avoid being at home
Marked fear of a person (including parents) or certain places
Promiscuity, seductive behavior, or age inappropriate interest in sexual matters
Persistent, inappropriate sex play with peers or toys, or excessive masturbation
Truancy or dropping school performance
Running away from home
Abusing alcohol or drugs

withdrawal from family and friends
-irrational fears
-change in weight
-low self-esteem
-privacy issues

Of course just because your child may protray one or more of these symptons does not mean that he or she is being abused,but they are warning bells you should be on the alert and make a special effort to be approachable.



RESOURCES at THE ZERO : The Official Website of Andrew Vachss