THE ABUSE ENDS NOW!

RESOURCES for SEXUAL ABUSE VICTIMS&ADDICTS

2005-12-09T12:01:00.000-06:00

WELCOME!THIS IS A WEB-PAGE WITH A PURPOSE!
and as such the front page remains constant,please look to the "previous"posts for new additions and resources

I have created this site with one thing in mind,to educate.For victims of sexual abuse,I wish to teach you that the shame and guilt you may feel is just another form of abuse and that THE ABUSE ENDS NOW! For those with drug addictions I wish to teach you that it is possible to live life without masking what ever pain it is you feel without drugs and destructive behavior,that you belong,you are important,you are not alone and you are not unloved.For those of you that do not have these inflictions weighing you down,I wish to teach you how you can help those that do,for you all know of someone who falls under either the adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse category or the category of those that suffer from drug addictions,of which includes alcoholism.

The Gospel Of Jesus Christ No.1 Resource! (author's humble opinion,no offense meant,all beliefs are welcome)

Victims of sexual abuse especially when it occurred as a child,often are left feeling shame and guilt,which in of themselves are another form of abuse.The pedophile is still molesting us until the day we end the abuse by coming to terms with our feelings and quit being victims and start being survivors.
Easy to do?NO.Can it be done? YES! I am the living proof that no case is hopeless.I carried my shame and guilt for over thirty four years.The links to my stories are below,way below,and also to the right hand side,because first are links that are of greater importance to guide you on your healing.May I suggest that you right click on them so they open in a new window,as you will want to return here for the next one.Please,if you know of a group or organization that you feel would be of benefit to victims and addicts,please let me know.
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Faiths and Creeds to draw strength from
The Gospel Of Jesus Christ
Teachings of Islam
Buddhist Beliefs Explained
Shintoism
Hinduism
Jainism
Native American Spirituality

Web-sites of Hope

1) Joshua Childrens Foundation-Created for purpose of assisting victims of sexual child abuse
2) Child Abuse Effects- child abuse effects information
3) Stop Child Abuse -site is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse
4) Stop It Now!- The Campaign to Prevent Child Abuse
5) Amnesty International-working to protect human rights world wide
5b)Kids Need Protection.com helping catch on-line pedophiles-volunteers needed!
7) Family Watchdog-tracking and locating sex offenders inYOUR neighbourhood
8) HelpYourCommunity.org Help Kids stay Active and you'll help them avoid drugs.KNOW WHAT YOUR KIDS ARE DOING!
9) Sexual Abuse Survivors and Sex article about becoming more comfortable with sex after being abused
10) Survivors Swindon Supporting Adult Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Since 1991
11)STOP RUNNING- Running away,?pregnant,?trouble with the law? scared, and alone?
12) Addiction Intervention Resources-the name says it all
14) CASA- court appointed special advocates-be a volunteer!

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OTHER SURVIVORS SITES
1) NO LONGER A VICTIM
2) THE LAST ONE
3) TEARS IN THE RAIN also a resource site.
4) 40 DAYS Continuing saga of a brave Mother's love for her abused child as they go through the legal system seeking justice-resources as well

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ADDICTIONS INFORMATION(always looking for more info)
Information on Heroin Addiction - Narconon Southern CaliforniaFind heroin information, and learn about the long-term effects of....
Giordano and Goldfarb Holistic Addiction Treatment CenterRecovering addicts provide a holistic drug-and-alcohol rehabilitation program that specializes....
Ecstasy Abuse Information and TreatmentInformation about ecstasy abuse and treatment.
Center for Behavior and Addiction ManagementGeorgia-based human service agency provides substance abuse solutions on a....
Legal Help If you are in need of legal help fill in....
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Religious Organizations(all faiths welcome)

BLUE LETTER BIBLE on-line Bible

1) International Network of Prison Ministries
2) C.A.S.A. Recovery Ministries
3) Places of Refuge Prison Ministry-Freedom Behind Bars
4) See Who Cares Inspiration and guidance

Twelve Step Programs (please submit any I miss,confidentiality assured)

1) Alcoholics Anonymous
2) Narcotics Anonymous
3) Gamblers Anonymous
4) Overeaters Anonymous

Yahoo Support Groups (feel free to ask me to add yours)

1) Courageous Men must be male 18 years of age or over=EXCELLENT
2) Adult Child Abuse Survivors - A place to talk about surviving child abuse
3) Canadian Abuse Support - A place to talk about abuse of any kind.
4) Saved By Methadone-Don't be fooled by the name!support group for those with addiction issues,all and any-family members and loved ones as well.

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My story is of course long and this is not the place for it.It is a continuing story,with many gaps that I hope to fill in the months ahead.I have two sites devoted to the telling of my tales,and a third that concerns it self with the justice system. I invite you to visit them,and leave your comments.

The start of my story,and possible clues for the reasons behind my destructive behaviour,can be found at the site I call THE ROAD DOWN .It contains the darker aspects of my life,and caution should be taken,some of the material is not suitable for all ages and there are definite triggers.(those that need the warning understand what I meant,don't ask!)

The second one I call AND FROM THE ASHES and it is where I tell happy of misery and suffering.While the stories may have their roots in suffering and misery,there is always a twist that makes them a story of hope.They say that for every door that closes God opens a window,a window of opportunity.Never has that saying been better personified as at AND FROM THE ASHES

The third one has articles and essay's pertaining to the Justice system.It is an unique look at the Justice,Correctional and Law Enforcement Departments here and abroad,through the eye of reformed offender.I call that one THE VIEW FROM OUTSIDE

I invite your comments and welcome your input,but please leave your promotions behind.I will promote only two things,God and myself,myself as that is my way of serving Him,providing hope and inspiring courage is my goal.I would love to hear your survivors story and will publish all that fit my criteria of being a genuine story and not pornographic in it's descriptions.I welcome all faiths,races and even sexual orientation.I am Christian and feel that my point is valid,however I respect and admire all others,and will never judge you.PARENTS!LOVE YOUR CHILDREN UNCONDINTIONALLY LET THEM KNOW THEY CAN COME TO YOU

DRUG STATISTICS IN OUR YOUTH

2005-12-08T02:36:00.000-06:00

The information below should be a wake up to every parent out there.While the figures are a few years old,more recent ones are just as bad,if not worse.PROTECT YOUR KIDS! HUGS REALLY ARE BETTER THEN DRUGS! Legal Help If you are in need of legal help

Drug Statistics ("borrowed" from Help Your Community.org)
According to the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 11.2% of 12-17 year-olds reported current use of illicit drugs in 2003.

Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Results from the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: National Findings, September 2004

Approximately 30.5% of youths reported using an illicit drug at least once during their lifetime and 21.8% reported using an illicit drug within the past year.

Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Results from the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: National Findings, September 2004

According to the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, youths who participated in activities during the past year were less likely to have used drugs in the past month than youths who did not participate in activities.

Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Results from the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: National Findings, September 2004

Among youths aged 12 to 17 who participated in two or more youth activities (for example, band, sports, student government, or dance lessons), 10.4% had used an illicit drug in the past month. Among youths indicating one or no youth activities in the past year, 17.9% reported past month illicit drug use.

Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Results from the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: National Findings, September 2004 www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/drugfact/juveniles/index.html

Substance abuse among youth has also been strongly linked to delinquency. Arrest, adjudication, and intervention by the juvenile justice system are eventual consequences for many youth engaged in alcohol and other drug use.

Source: Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Drug Identification and Testing in the Juvenile Justice System, May 1998 www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/drugfact/juveniles/index.html

Youth’s immature physical and psychological development makes them more susceptible than adults to the harmful effects of drug abuse.

Source: ONDCP Drug Policy Information Clearinghouse Fact Sheet www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/publications/factsht/juvenile/index.html

Results from the 2000 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse indicate that increased rates of past month use of cigarettes, alcohol, or any illicit drug had a deleterious effect on students’ grades.

Source: National Household Survey on Drug Abuse, August 2001 www.oas.samhsa.gov/nhsda/2k1nhsda/vol1/toc.htm

Results from the 2000 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse indicate that youth who reported alcohol or illicit drug use during the past year were more likely to be at risk for suicide than those who did not use the substances.

Source: National Household Survey on Drug Abuse, August 2001 www.oas.samhsa.gov/nhsda/2k1nhsda/vol1/toc.htm

It is clear that drugs are a problem,please parents,make your children aware,at a much younger age then you may normally think.I started smoking when I was eight years old,was committing my first crime at nine years of age-stealing cigaretts from cars parked on the street(small town in the sixties,NOBODY ever locked their doors).
You may smile at this,but nicotine is a drug as much as herion and even harder to give up(though less physicaslly addcitive)and drugs lead to crime.

PLACE of HONOUR your tales and letters

2005-12-07T15:14:00.000-06:00

This is page devote to -you,the adult survivor of childhood abuse.
I will publish your letters and stories here.This first was left anonymously as a comment,(forgive me,but the literary snob inside of me made me correct some spelling and paragraph placement as been implemented to ease reading)but I feel it deserves a

PLACE of HONOUR

Posted anonymously:

As I read your blog I was reading it because I'm involved with someone, who was abused as a child and has his share of addictions, and your blog made me curious to see the correlation between the two(addiction and sexual abuse) as I read the information actually realized it relates to me to, I am a survivor of childhood abuse, I did not become and alcoholic or drug addict, but I can relate to the weight issues.

I realized years ago that I had purposely over the years as a teen gained weight as not to attract attention, I did not like males looking at me, whistling at me or anything due to being molested as a child I felt any kind of male attention was horrible and did not like it at all.

So I hid behind myself, as I got older I thought I was always wrong for having feeling for someone in a sexual way because of what has happen in the past. Its hard to let anyone get close to you, really close when your a child of abuse. You either think its wrong, or you don't deserve it. At least thats how I have felt for years.

The relationships I have gotten into, in the past have been hard for me and my partners sexually and in every way. This may sound weird to some but others I'm sure will understand completely. When you are abused as a child you feel, that intimacy is bad, wrong, that you shouldn't feel the way do, because it feels wrong, or you think your a bad person.

I believe that me not being able to be myself, and not able to truly let anyone get close to me has made relationships fail, my self esteem low, and this is all because of what has happen to me as a child. I was abused from age 6 to 12, I am now 37, and am currently in therapy.

I Believe God puts people in our paths for reason and I truly think He put my current boyfriend in my path for a reason. since we've been together on and off for the last two years due to his addiction and me putting up my walls, I have finally gone to therapy for my abuse which I had thought I had dealt with years ago.

Me and my boyfriend have a lot in common, with being abused, and if its God's plan will make it work for us. If not I believe he put us together for a purpose and maybe thats just to learn to be able to put our past to rest and deal with our addictions, whether it be drugs, alcohol or eating disorders or mental disorders of depression which I've had my bouts in.

I'm glad you've finally come to a point in your life where you can heal and move on. Best of luck, and God bless.

Author Unknown

Pepsi's Story:

I was raised in what I suppose was a normal home. My father worked in his own business and my mother raised 2 kids and took care of the home. Being the baby and only girl of 9 children total I never was really sure what was right or wrong when it came to touching. It was almost unheard of at that time to be sexually touched or abused. So when I was 9 yrs old and began developing into a lady I never though much of my cousins touch when we were playing or wrestling around. I was always one of the boys when my cousin April wasn’t around to play with.

I recall the first wrong touch when I was about 10. We had gone to visit my grandparents and my cousin April and I were sleeping in the living room and my brother and the male cousins were out back camping out. My cousin came in where I was asleep and started feeling on my chest, from there he went lower and under my pants and underwear as well. I made him stop, knowing it didn’t feel right to me, but never knowing it was so wrong. I got up and went to the room where my parents were sleeping and slept on the floor a while. My dad woke up and fussed at me for being in the bedroom and not in the living room with my cousin. Knowing how my dad was I didn’t dare tell that one of the boys touched me there.
Later on in my life I guess around age 12, my brother that I was raised with started to fondle my chest and it went from there. I began dating a guy at age 15 and he allowed my brother to do pretty much what he wanted to, to my body. Again I was never told what was “bad touching” or that this was wrong. I never told on my brother because if I had my dad would have probably killed him or came close to it. By the time I was being abused by both of these people, my dad had passed away and my mom was living the wild life of a teenager every weekend.

I became pregnant at age 15 from all this abuse and was terrified, knowing both my boyfriend and my brother had been intimate with me. I never told my mother or anyone at school I was pregnant. I made it to 5 months pregnancy and went in to early labor. I had told my doctor earlier that when the child was born I wanted to know who the father was. My child was a little girl that lived 30 minutes after birth because I couldn’t bear to have her put on life support, knowing she could be the result of incest. I later learned she was my boyfriend’s child and still have regrets for not putting her on life support.
I know there are so many people in the world that are abused daily by family, friends, and strangers. I just hope reading my story can give others the courage to move on with life and to tell someone. Don’t be afraid like I was. If it feels wrong it probably is. Tell anyone you can trust.
Pepsi

If you have an experience that you wish to share,please either leave a comment or send your tale of survival to hdforbes@yahoo.ca

Childhood sexual abuse need not control your future,there is help and support.Tell others,do not let it swell and fester inside you.
Alcoholism and Drug Addiction,or gambling addiction,eating disorders are all treatable diseases.

I use the term disease only because that is the current train of thought amongst most,but not all,treatment philosophy's.
I feel that if it is a disease,then sexual or other abuse may lower our bodies natural immune system,and that is why you will find such a high percentage of addicts were also abuse victims when they where in their childhoods.
Like most theories there are alternative points of view,and I have actually read that there is no statistical evidence to back up the claim that childhood abuse leads to addiction.I say,poll groups.In fact I shall take it upon myself to conduct a poll.

I accidentally deleted the code and lost the poll that ran,but the numbers where very clear.Over 66% of abuse victims who answered(approx 70 people responded,thank you) have addictions,with about an equall number veing actively addictive and half being in recovery.
There will be those who will say that only addicts answered the poll,and that the actually numbers are much less,but I disagree,this was a completly anonymous polling,there was no reason for it not to be accurate within the normal parameters.It also bears up to my personal knowledge.
The reasons may be disputed,but the reality is,abused children are much more likely to grow up to be adult addicts then those who did not suffer abuse.

Correlation Between Sexual Abuse and Addictions

2005-11-14T02:01:00.000-06:00

WELCOME! YOU ARE SAFE HERE! This is a Web-page with a Purpose!

If you are an Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse,or a Parent of an abused Child,or one with addictions issues or just a curious student of life,then this is for you.

Hello,my name is Doug,and I am an Alcoholic and Drug Addict.I am also an Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse.
This is a place where not only you can get information,but where you can get help,support,understanding and even Prayer.I "died"of a Drug Overdose,and God came into my life and as set a task for me.This is one part of that task.
I will post your story,getting it out is a wonderful step in the healing process.
I waited thirty-seven years to tell my story,I kept it a dark secret,no one knew.I am only now in the process of hopefully having my transgressor,the Pedophile who raped and abused me for two years brought to justice.
I will of course keep you posted,but right now you need to look to the links section on the right side,you will find important resources as well as testimony.
CORRELATION BETWEEN SEXUAL ABUSE and ADDICTION

I have always been under the impression that my addictions was just a result of my own stupidity.I still maintain that we are ultimately responsible for our own actions,however I have discovered so much research lately pointing to a connection between the fact I was sexually abused as a young teenager and the fact that I became an addict at the same time.It would seem that victims off sexual child abuse are much more likely*to develop "coping mechanisms"to survive the memories of the abuse.

The list of disorders reads like a who's who of compulsive behavior,there is of course the normal alcoholism and drug addictions,of which I am a poster boy for,but also eating disorders such as Compulsive Eating Disorder,anorexisa,Bulimia,Bulimia Nervosa Eating Disorder(heh,I didn't make the names,I am just reporting them!),Binge Eating Disorder(guilty)gambling and even suicides.There is one they do not mention,as many do not class it as an disorder,but I am willing to bet next months ad revenues(hopefully someone needs the info provided by the ads)that the vast majority of sexually abused children grow up to be tobacco abusers,good old cigarettes,mmm,mmm,mm,gooooodd! got a light?

Childhood sexual abuse need not control your future,there is help and support.Tell others,do not let it swell and fester inside you.Alcoholism and Drug Addiction,or gambling addiction,eating disorders are all treatable diseases.I use the term disease only because that is the current train of thought amongst most,but not all,treatment philosophy's.I feel that if it is a disease,then sexual or other abuse may lower our bodies natural immune system,and that is why you will find such a high percentage of addicts were also abuse victims when they where in their childhoods.Like most theories there are alternative points of view,and I have actually read that there is no statistical evidence to back up the claim that childhood abuse lead to addiction.This to me flies in the face of my own personal experience.There have been many times that I was in a "shooting circle"(a group all injecting drugs)and tales of abuse would abound.

Funny thing about those times,I never once confessed to my past,not even when others were openly talking about it.I was a superior junkie,I didn't use drugs to cover up feelings,I used drugs for pain,and for fun.Yeah,right!

I am looking for input to this site.I am presently waiting on some submissions to arrive but wanted to start things off.If you have a site that you feel should be listed or linked please let me know.
Please either leave a comment or email hdforbes@yahoo.ca

Your site must be of relative interest,either to victims of sexual or other abuse or addictions.I will include all types,drug addictions,alcohol and food addiction,gambling addiction,whatever you have.
Christian content is preferred but not a necessity.

Manna for the Soul - Prayers and Ministrations

2005-11-13T12:00:00.000-06:00

Does your Ministry have a website?Or do you belong to a on-line religious group?Perhaps you would like to exchange links?Or just have yours included?

Take strength my friends,you are amongst your brothers & sisters,we are family here,and we don't have rules,except that we respect each other.We may be of different faiths,different backgrounds,even different sexual orientation.There is no judging done here,no "preaching".If you have a credo or code you think would be suitable to go along side the Christian words and scripture,you are welcome to leave it in the comments and I will publish any that are not hateful or aimed at conversions.Buddist,Hindu,Confuciusion or any other are all welcome here.
I am a Christian,and I feel my view is valid,but I would be proud to post yours,as long as it's aim is to help us know that we are no longer victims,we survived,we are going to be alright!Shame and the guilt are just another form of abuse,and the abuse ends now!

Prayers are a reverent petition made to God,an act of communion with God,and as such are often very personal.There are however Prayers that have been written to commemorate special occasions or to honour a particular segment of the population.I need your prayers!Prayers are wanted that have been written with the abused or affected in mind,for addictions are an affection as much as Cancer,and just as deadly,if not worse.Please send me your Prayers/Here are some of my favorites,and I will be posting and or rotating new ones on a regular basis.

Prayers sometimes associated with Twelve steps programs

GoThird Step Prayer God,I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
Seventh Step Prayer
My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good & bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you & my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding.
Eleventh Step Prayer
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace--that where there is hatred, I may bring love--that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness--that where there is discord, I may bring harmony--that where there is error, I may bring truth--that where there is doubt, I may bring faith--that where there is despair, I may bring hope--that where there are shadows, I may bring light--that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted--to understand, than to be understood--to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

Serinity Prayer GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

St Francis Prayer
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

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PROVERBS and PSALMS(Again I seek your favorites)

Psalms 23 "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters."

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

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Scriptures that have a special place in my heart:(you are welcome to submit yours)

Matthew 25:35-36 -45-"For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me."

Ephesians 5:18-20 "Be not drunk with wine, in which is debauchery;but be filled with the Spirit,speaking to yourselvesin psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,singing and chanting with your heart to the Lord;giving thanks at all times to Him who is God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ"

Brother Gino's Prayer for Addicts

Most loving God,

we ask your blessing upon all

who suffer from addiction.

Strengthen them to reach out for help.

Enable them to take the first step to recovery.

Bless them with the persistence to persevere

in the fight to be free.

Give courage and hope to their families,

drawing them close together

in the power of your love,

which alone can transform our living.

Amen.

I invite your comments and your submissions.Please email hdforbes@yahoo.ca with your prayer,scripture,Psalm or credo and I will publish all acceptable within the confines of alloted space.

Survivor's Bill of Rights &Addicts Credo

2005-11-13T02:01:00.000-06:00

All to often victims of sexual abuse go through will go through periods of feelings of inadequacies,often coupled with fear and or guilt.
To many times they will hear phrases like"you are safe now" or "it's all right"
The people that try and give to what they view as victims these affirmations are almost always well meaning.They are our friends,family and love ones,and as such it is often hard for the survivors of sexual abuse to communicate just what it is we really need to hear.I thinlk perhaps it was with that in mind that a group of very knowledgeable people one day got together and drafted the:

SURVIVOR'S BILL OF RIGHTS

Survivor's Bill Of Rights Drafted by the New Directions Rape Survivors Group 1991-1992

1. The right to be safe from real or imagined dangers.

2. The right to be accepted unconditionally by others.

3. The right to autonomy in decision making.

4. The right to own my successes and failures; to change my mind without judgement and of my own accord.

5. The right to personal safety by any means of my own choosing.

6. The right to financial independence regardless of gender.

7. The right to trust, respect, and honesty in interactions with others.

8. The right to say NO without guilt and have that right respected by my friends, family and others.

9. The right to total control of my mind, body and spirit.

10. The right not to have the will of others forced upon me.

11. The right to happiness and peace of mind.

12. The right to ask for what I need when I need it.

13. The right to fulfill my hopes, needs and dreams.

14. The right to be treated as a sound-minded individual and not as a victim.

15. The right to take control of the night; to own and appreciate the darkness, and sleep without fear, anxiety or nightmares.

16. The right to love and be loved by others without fear of being hurt.

17. The right to own my past; feel pride in my accomplishments and use them as a tool to strengthen myself and others.
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Every support group and twelve step program seems to have one thing in common,a credo,or if you prefer a "mission statement". A set of promises that we make to each other,and most importantly,to ourselfs.
Here is one of my favorite,and the one I repeat each day.

1) We will attain and maintain sobriety.
2) We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3) We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4) We will comprehend the word"serenity",and we will know peace.
5) No matter how far down the scale we have gone,we will see how our experiences can benefit others.
6) That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7) We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8) Self-seeking will slip away.
9) Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
10)Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
11) We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.
12) We will suddenly realize that a power greater than ourselfs is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Extravagant promises?No,they are being fulfilled all around us,some quicly,some slowly,but they will materialize if we BELIEVE and WORK for them!

Warning signs of Sexual Abuse All Parents Need to Know

2005-11-12T17:09:00.000-06:00

There was a time when I wished with all my being that I would have had parents that I felt comfortable talking to.If I had,the abuse I underwent may have ended after days not years.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing,it is also a horrible thing! I know that my behaviour changed tramatically after the abuse started.Why did my parents not see that there was something wrong?I was acting very withdrawn,I remember that and was moody to the point of being rude.If they would have just asked me why instead of shouting at me to "watch my smart mouth"...
I in no way blame my parents.I may have been adopted as nothing more then a farmhand,but I was their farmhand and they would have done anything to protect me,of that I am sure.
Those were different times as well,there is much more public discussion and knowledge being shared then ever before.
The one good result of such scandals as those surrounding the Priesthood,Boyscouts and Coaching Organizations from several sports and other high profile cases of sexual abuse,is the lessening of the stigma asscioated with being an abuse victim.We can hold our heads up proudly an proclaim I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED!and not have the world look at us suspiciosly,at least not to the extent there was at the time of my abuse.
There are important signs that a parent should always be on the watch for.They can be confusing to follow at times,what is a warning sign,and what is (in older children) normal teenage angst?There is no telling your teenager that it's normal!
Thew absolute best thing you can do to protect your children is to be available.No,you do not have to be their "best friend",that form of parenting is a tricky thing to manage,and most who try fail miserably,but that does notr stop you by saying the three words that will make the most difference in your childs life.Three little words,that if I had heard,trhings may have been very much different.The three words are of course "I love You!"
I was eight years old before I ever heard those words spoken,other then on TV,where Father Knows Best and My Three Sons where the idealist world I longed for.When I did hear those words,they where not directed at me,but at other children by their parents.(personal note,last week my Father who is 85,now widowed and in a home,but as sharp as he was 60 years ago,told me he loved me.That was the very first time,and it made up for 49 years.In one second all the hard feelings,all the disappointments and resentments where gone.I love my Father,for the very first time,I really feel it.What a wonderful thing it is.Thank you GOD!)
Lets get to what you came for,I'll tell stories like that at And from the Ashes

WARNING SIGNS THAT A CHILD MAYBE ABUSED

PHYSICAL SIGNS:

Underwear that is torn, stained, or bloody
Difficulty walking or sitting
Redness, pain, bleeding, or bruising in the external genital area, vagina, or anal area
Unusual discharge from the vagina or anus
Frequent, unexplained urinary infections or sore throats
Sexually transmitted infections
Pregnancy

EMOTIONAL SIGNS:

Clinical depression and feelings of suicide
Lack of trust
Change in response to adults or older children (although males account for over 90% of abuses, don’t rule out the possibility of female abusers)
New fears or hysteria
Low self-esteem
Depression with physical complaints such as:
Headache, stomachache, or chest pain
Insomnia
Fatigue
Loss of appetite
Behavioral Signs
Clinging
Sleep problems
Bed-wetting, thumb sucking, or loss of bowel control
Fear of undressing, or wearing extra layers of clothing
Fear of going to the bathroom, refusal to have a bowel movement, or constipation
Difficulty making friends
Getting to school early and staying late, to avoid being at home
Marked fear of a person (including parents) or certain places
Promiscuity, seductive behavior, or age inappropriate interest in sexual matters
Persistent, inappropriate sex play with peers or toys, or excessive masturbation
Truancy or dropping school performance
Running away from home
Abusing alcohol or drugs

withdrawal from family and friends
-sleeplessness
-irrational fears
-depression
-anxiety
-change in weight
-nightmares
-anger
-low self-esteem
-privacy issues

Of course just because your child may protray one or more of these symptons does not mean that he or she is being abused,but they are warning bells you should be on the alert and make a special effort to be approachable.